Tuesday, August 17, 2010

This Ain't Your Momma's Dating Scene

As a follow-up to 8 Reasons Sistas Are Single, I really want my Sistas to understand I am not about assigning blame. I am about Black women leading fulfilled lives of love, joy, peace and purpose. To that end, if you want (not need) a man in your life, if you want (not need) a committed relationship and if you want (not need) someone to share your life with...then you have to go after it.

You went after the job, the education, the promotion, the home, the car, the whatever, and you will have to go after the man and the relationship with the same energy, gusto and planning. What strategies did you employ to get your job? What resources did you use to buy your home? How many early mornings and late nights did the promotion cost you? You will have to work just as a hard to get the man and even harder to keep him.

Are you sure you are up for the challenge? The competition is fierce and the marathon runner will win because building a mutually gratifying relationship isn't a sprint. Others may take the lead at various times, and that is okay, so long as you regroup and win in the end.

I've told a lot of male friends, "what you did to get her is different than what you'll have to do to keep her," and the same holds true for us. There are 13 Black men for every 1 Black woman in DC, and the ratio continues to go against us as we age. Sistas, you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone, be adventurous and do different things in order to stand out from the rest.

Consider some of these as a way to get started:
  • Sit in a different subway car
  • Take a new way to the gym
  • Go to a new restaurant, bar or lounge (alone)
  • Sign-up for class or register to teach one
  • Get a new hobby or interest
  • Join a social club or online community
  • Hang out at a book store or library
  • Visit another church on 5th Sundays
Do something -- anything -- out of the norm!

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results. My Sistas, if you haven't found the relationship you want after all this time, don't you think it's time to change up a few things?
My photo
I live in Washington, DC, one of the most beautiful places on earth. My personal mantra, "live your life, this isn't a dress rehearsal, you don't get very many do-overs, and guilt is a wasted emotion."