Thursday, August 12, 2010

8 Reasons Sistas Are Single

Over the last couple of weeks, there has been some discussion around the growing number of single Black women. Thus, begging the question, why are sistas single? There are any number of historical and socio-economic factors, which are contributors. However, there is one simple explanation that has not been mentioned. Sistas, we are single because we want to be.

Breathe. Exhale. Everybody calm down, let me explain.

Yes Sistas, we are single because we make choices that keep us in our singleness:
  1. We don't go out or socialize with others --> we're waiting for Prince Charming to come to us. The only person who's going to ring the doorbell is the mailman, and our bougie selves won't even consider him. You know you won't, don't front.

  2. We don't go out alone --> we go out in groups with our girlfriends. Very, very, very few men are going to have the nerve to risk walking up to a group of women to speak to one of them. It really is okay to go out to dinner, see a movie or visit a museum all by your lonesome.

  3. We don't have a realistic expectations --> we are still looking for Mr. Perfect, the man who meets all of our criteria. The perfect man doesn't exist. The checklist we have in heads (or have even written down) needs to be edited for the 21st century. Stop being so darn picky!

  4. We don't have or make time for a relationship -->we work 60+ hour weeks, volunteer at church, have family obligations and hang with our BFFs. Relationships take time and attention to grow. We have to be willing to let go of some things to make room for a man in our lives.

  5. We don't let go or ask questions --> we stay in relationships longer than we should. This isn't the right time, he has to focus on this, that or the other thing first, he's not ready to settle down yet...ALL excuses. We need to be in control of our lives, we're older and don't have time to waste on foolishness.

  6. We don't have lives --> we take on his life, his interests, his family and his world as our own. Men want well-rounded, intelligent and interesting women, just like we want them to be well-rounded, intelligent and interesting.

  7. We don't choose wisely --> we date the wrong man for the right reason or the right man for the wrong reason. Our emotions take hold -- fear, envy, impatience, greed, lust, anxiety, lonliness -- and we make bad decisions, settling for what our minds' know is not the right person for us.

  8. We come off as desperate and needy --> we hear our biological clocks ticking, watch our friends marry and feel like we'll be single forever. Men can smell the desperation a mile away. It comes through in our conversation and we don't even know it. Relax, if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't be talking to you.
Which one, two or three of these sounds familiar. As the preacher says, if you can't say, "Amen," just say, "ouch."

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I live in Washington, DC, one of the most beautiful places on earth. My personal mantra, "live your life, this isn't a dress rehearsal, you don't get very many do-overs, and guilt is a wasted emotion."